Emotionally and mentally fucked up . i guess my trust issues get a hold of me. you know i never imagine myself to be like this.  sucks to know how i ruin your day with my messed up thoughts and maybe my actions too. Its never easy when you have to serve the nation and I'm here waiting. even before this i have to wait just to even talk to you. NS is never the reason. I am. I'm the kind of girl who need and wants your attention but i've never been getting it nowadays. that is maybe the reason why I'm always flaring up and argues with you. well i dont know. sometimes i think its not fair. everything's not fair. i just want my time with you. everytime we have those times its always being filled up with other things than for both of us. you always falls asleep so easily now.it tires me to see how tired you are. everynight i hold on to my tears only because you assure me that things will get better soon. I'm wondering when is that 'soon' will come. for all i know you're always missing. i dont know how to explain this feeling with words or actions so i rather just keep it to myself because whatever it is no matter how badly i want things to change it'll just never happen. I'll just have to keep on waiting and waiting. i'm trying my best not to hope for anything but i'm always hoping and my hopes always falls down to the ground. always. life's a shit and things happen for a reason. i'm still here enduring because i'm holding on to what's mine.

I'm not perfect no one is face it.